We have a 1 year old!

Anderson is 1!  I can hardly believe it!  Time really just flies by!

In the past four months since I last blogged, we've had a lot of fun.  Christmas was a blast.  We spent Christmas with my family this year.  Everyone was in town except for Kyle's family.  We had the usual Christmas party with the Anderson family and Bobs came out in his Santa get up as always.  We love the tradition, Bobs is too cute.

We had a family ski day up at Sundance.  It was a lot of fun, but unfortunately Jerry broke his thumb which resulted in surgery.  My sweet hubs has bad luck in the winter months (falling from the roof/ladder putting up Christmas lights last year resulting in a concussion and broken back).  He was quite entertaining as the anesthesia wore off.  I knew it was Jerry coming down the hall after surgery when I heard someone singing "Oreo, oreo" (Wreck it Ralph).  Then for the next 30+ minutes he talked about cheese, root beer, oreos, and more cheese.  Bless his heart.
At 9 months, Anderson was finally on the charts for height and weight!  He weighed 17.11 (15%), 27 inches long (5%), and his head circumference was 43.3 inches (83%).  He's a fun, sweet, flirty, happy little bugger.  We love him to pieces!
We got invited to a BBQ with some friends that just happened to be on Anderson's first birthday.  In my mind, it was perfect.  I didn't feel the need to do a big birthday party, Anders would have no idea what's going on anyway, but it also felt weird to do nothing.  So this was perfect, a get together that was happening anyway.  I just made a little birthday cake and bought some birthday hats for the kids and tacked on a little celebration to the get together.  Then the following Sunday, Nana did a birthday party with the fam for Anders, so he got double celebrations.
Jerry and I had the chance to go see Broadway's The Lion King at Eccles Theater.  This is my all time favorite play!  And it's my favorite Disney movie.  I've seen it before, but I was SO excited to see it again and I was excited for Jerry to see it!  It was a wonderful night, and I of course was thrilled with the performance and may have cried, multiple times, during it.
I sure love my sweet little family.  Anderson has really been such a sweet, happy boy.  I don't know why I got so lucky to have such an easy child, but I'll take it!  Let's hope that continues!  And I couldn't have asked for a better husband to be by my side!  He's so amazing to me and he's such a good daddy to Anders!  So many men kind of sit on the sidelines while the woman takes care of and raises the children, but not Jerry!  He is with Anders the whole day long twice a week while I'm at work.  He takes Anders to church by himself every other week while I'm at work.  He really truly rocks at this whole dad thing and our children are and will be very blessed to have such a fun, loving, and involved daddy.  I love Jerry Roho!

8 Months with Anderson

I can't believe my baby is 8 months old already.  It's crazy how fast they grow up!  But it is so stinkin fun!  I just have more and more fun with Anderson as he grows and develops.  He has the cutest, happiest little personality!  I have people from the ward asking me all the time, "Does he ever cry?" "Is he ever not happy?"  Of course the answer to that is yes!  But really not very much!  So Jerry and I are pretty much planning on our next child being a handful because we got it easy with Anders.
Anderson still hates tummy time and makes pretty much no attempts to crawl.  He looks around for a minute then just lays his head down.  Whatever.  He is a good little stander though.  He could play with his standing toys all day long!  He also loves pulling himself up from sitting to standing with my arm.  He'll pull himself up, let go and stand there for a few seconds, sit down, and do it all over again and again and again.  It apparently makes him feel pretty cool.  It's pretty darn cute.  He gets himself up and standing then just looks to me for approval and excitement.

Anders has 5 teeth now.  He occasionally bites me and it hurts like the dickens!  He has no idea when I'm getting mad at him though.  He just stares at me blank faced then smiles.  Little turd.  He occasionally grinds his little teeth together and it makes me cringe and feel icky.  I sure hope that doesn't last!!
We had a great Thanksgiving with the Rohos!  The whole family was together for Thanksgiving dinner and it was wonderful.  We went ice skating that weekend and had a blast.  Ray played hockey and did a lot of ice skating up in Canada as a kid, so he loves going skating with the family.  Jared and I always love when our family's visit from out of town!

I got to go see one of my very favorite bands in concert, The Sounds.  They were doing a 10 year reunion tour of their Dying To Say This To You album.  Kelse and I were so excited!!  We were at the concert 10 years ago as well!  I believe it was our fourth time seeing them and I hope it's not the last!  I would be in heaven if I got to go to Sweden (where they're from) to see them in concert!  I'll keep dreaming.  It was a fantastic show.  I really didn't care for the two opening bands, but The Sounds were stellar!

The Sounds lead singer Maja

For Halloween we decided to dress up as Mario characters.  So I was obviously Princess Peach and Jerry was Mario.  We decided to dress Anderson up as Toad.  Jerry was the brains behind the Toad hat.  It turned out pretty cute.

Peach, Toad, and Mario

6.5 months

Here are some more happenings.

Grandpa's 85th birthday party.  It was of course western themed and included
a mechanical bull.  We had a good time.

Anderson's 6 month pics

6 months old 

Sneaking to the airport to see Adam before he flew out to The Phillipines
5 months

Anders and Reese with G&G Anderson
4.5 months

A neat picture at my grandparents house of 4 generations of Anderson men.

The "toys" Anders plays with at Grammy Tammy's house.
6 months old.

ICU Nursing

I would say that 9 out of 10 days I come home from work proud of what I've done and proud of the work I get to do.  I love caring for patients and their families during some of the hardest moments of their lives.  It may sound crazy, but it really is so amazing.  I get to bring those on the brink of death back to life.  I get to listen to sweet elderly patients tell me about the old days or brag about their children and grandchildren.  I get to help my patients push through pain and suffering as they recover from a trauma.  I get to see a patient that comes in barely breathing, walk out of the ICU with a smile and new appreciation for life.  I get to comfort family as they say goodbye to their loved ones, sometimes it's come too soon, and sometimes it's family following their loved ones wishes.  Some of these things sound horrible, and sometimes they really are, but most of the time it's so rewarding to me.  It's rewarding to see a patient's progression.  It's rewarding to hold my patient's hand when they're scared.  And it's rewarding to help someone through a terrible situation, whether it be the patient and their pain, or the family and their loss.  But then about 1 out of every 10 days, I'm not so stoked about my job.  Maybe the patient was demanding and rude all day (it's amazing what a little thank you can do for someone that's trying to help you).  Or maybe you're patient that you've been fighting to save all day isn't getting better.  Or maybe your patient didn't make it.  Most of the patients I care for that pass away are elderly and it's their time.  Sometimes it's a trauma and as an ICU nurse, you learn death isn't always the worst option, so where it's still very sad to see someone's life end abruptly, you are also able to see that if they did pull through, they would have no quality of life.  But then there are the days like I had at work today...  Where you walk into the hospital thinking it's going to be another ordinary day in the ICU, maybe it will be calm, maybe it will be busy, but it will all be doable.  But you see the night shift nurse and you quickly learn just how wrong you were.  Without going into details due to HIPPA, you learn that a young lady, about your same age, didn't make it through the night.  She went into the hospital to be induced, just like you did 6 months ago.  She was taken for a c-section due to the baby's heart rate decelerating, just like you did.  But for some reason, she faced complications and bleeding was uncontrollable.  You learn about the night the nurse you're following had, and your heart aches.  It aches for the patient, for her husband that is now widowed, for her babies that will never know their brave, strong mother that went through so much for them, it aches for the medical team that has fought so hard to save her.  So the first 6 hours of my shift were spent with tissue in hand, helping her sweet family with post-mortem issues and doing my best to provide emotional support without breaking down.  But I did.  I broke down more than once in front of them.  That's a first for my career.  I have gotten teary-eyed with several cases at work, but never have I sobbed in front of my patient or their family.  But I did my best to be strong and I did my best to give her family the best care they could receive through such a heartbreaking situation.  It's days like today that I come home and give my baby an extra tight squeeze and my husband an extra long kiss because life really is precious.

Summer of '16

It has been a fun summer with our little man!  It's definitely been a big change having a dependent now.  Can't just leave the house at the drop of a dime anymore, everything takes a lot more time and a lot more planning ahead.  But it's definitely worth it.  This summer we got to go to Lake Powell twice.  The first time in June was for the Robins Roundup.  That was one of those rare brief moments when every single one of the Kipp and Tammy Robins family members is together at once!  We had a great time down there!  We wanted to get family pictures with everyone together, but we just really couldn't take a family portrait at Lake Powell.  So we did the best we could and took them right after Lake Powell and only had one person missing, Brandon, who had to get back to Oklahoma for work.  Who knows if we will ever be able to get every single person together again.  It's pretty tough when there are 12 kids and several of them and their families out of state.  By next summer, Anderson will likely be the only grandchild in Utah!  So sad!  We also took another trip down to Lake Powell in August.  That time it was only 7 of the kids there, plus some of the Woolley family.  So a nice small group. ;)
We also had a fun 4th of July.  I had to work, so Anderson went to the parade with Jared and the Roho's that morning.  Then that evening, we BBQ'd at Ray and Sylvia's, then everyone came over to our house for fireworks.  Pleasant Grove city does and firework show and this year they were done at the baseball diamonds right behind our house, so we had front row seats.  They put on a good show and our neighbor had patriotic music playing over his sound system, so that made it even better!  I love 4th of July and celebrating our great nation and our freedom.
Adam sent in his papers, got his mission call, and is now in The Phillippines serving a mission for the LDS church.  I'm so proud of his decision to serve and mission and it's so amazing to read his letters and hear about the growth and wonderful experiences he's having.  You can tell he's a hard worker and loves serving the Lord and the people of IloIlo.  We miss him terribly though.  He spent 7 weeks in the Provo MTC and then 1 more week in the Manilla MTC.  Heidi and I kept up our tradition of going up to the airport to see our missionaries off.  It's always fun to see them and give them a bunch of snacks for their long flights!
For Labor Day weekend, we went down to Pine Valley with my family.  We stayed at a friend's cabin down there.  It was a pretty fun place!  They had a zipline, pickle ball court, hot tub, and all sorts of other fun stuff for adults and kids.  We went hiking down there, the girls went to Tuacahn for The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and we played a whole lot of pickle ball!  Jared and I had to leave Sunday night cause we both had to work on Labor Day.  But Labor Day evening, we met up with the Roho's for a BBQ and outdoor games.  It was a fun few days.
Last year Jared and I went to the State Fair for the first time and loved it!  So we decided to take little man with us this year.  We had fun seeing all the animals, watching the different entertainment, carnival food, and just walking around seeing all the different shops they had set up.  Anderson was a champ!  He was a happy little camper with a nice nap and early start to bedtime.
The end of September, Anderson got another cousin!  Little Clark was born on the 23rd.  That makes 4 cousins within a year (with a 5th cousin on the way that will be about 9 months younger than Anders), plus two more that are 15 months older than Anders.  All of those are boys except one, and Mindy hasn't found out the gender of hers yet.  That's going to be a wild little bunch of kiddos running around!  One of those little guys is also named Clark, he's on the Roho side.  We're hoping Clark Rohatinsky gets another little sibling so there is one more cousin around our kid's age on that side.  With Jared being 6 years younger than the next sibling, that puts us a bit behind and unfortunately our kids won't have many cousins their age.  But they will have lots of older cousins to love on them and to look up to, so that's great too!
Milestones:
Anderson starting eating, no, devouring rice cereal at 4 months.  When we went in for his 4 month check up he had dropped off his growth chart.  Anders already wasn't even on the growth chart cause he started off so small, but he was at least following the growth curve.  But from his 2 month check up to his 4 month, he had only gained one pound.  Mama wasn't producing enough milk. :(  I had been suspicious cause I wasn't pumping as much volume at work, but Anders was never grumpy and seemed fine after feedings, so I just figured I wasn't pumping as much as he was able to get when he was feeding off me.  It was really sad and hard for me to switch to the bottle though.  I had just planned on exclusively nursing till 6 months and then still doing a little bit of nursing till 9 months.  That's just what I had in my mind that I wanted to do, so then when I wasn't able to and to see my poor little guy not growing adequately, I felt like a failure.  I had to keep reminding myself that even though he was switching to a bottle sooner than I planned, he would still go to kindergarten just like all the other kids.  And I knew it was necessary and I obviously wanted it for my child's health, but it was just hard for me to get over "breast is best."  It really made me feel for all those mama's that aren't able to breast feed, that it just doesn't work out for one reason or another.  But you know what, all their kids turned out just fine!  So once I came to terms with it, it really did end up being a lot more convenient!  And again, I would never do or not do something for my baby cause of convenience, but since it had to happen, that was a nice perk!
Anderson STILL hates tummy time and refuses to roll.  I think he's accidentally rolled over about 6 times, but I'm quite sure they've never been intentional.  He'll play on his tummy for about 5 minutes, then he's over it!  He'll start crying and push himself around in circles with his feet.  I try helping him flip over to his back so he can get a sense of the feeling, but he just has no desire to do it!  But on a more positive note, he's great at sitting!  Since birth he's been really good at holding his back straight and holding his neck.  He's always had great control that way.  So I kind of always had a feeling he'd be sitting before he rolls.  I was right.  He hasn't perfected it, but usually he'll sit for upwards of a minute before kicking his legs too hard and falling over.  So I'm proud of him for that!  You win some, you lose some.  I figure with any child they'll be ahead with some milestones and behind with some milestones, but eventually they'll hit them.
I'm just really so grateful to have such a happy, healthy little boy.  We love our Anderson Ray to pieces and have loved watching him grow and develop!

Blessing Day

Anderson got a baby blessing from his daddy on Sunday, June 5th.  Jared gave him such a sweet blessing and reminded him of the names he carries and what great men he was named after.  It was so nice to have so much of our family there to support us and Anders on such a special day.  I was so worried about Anders crying through the blessing, but he slept through it and was a pleasant, sweet little guy throughout all of sacrament meeting and the after party.  The day before was a totally different story.  He was a bit of a demon.  He was crying all day long and would not take a nap for the life of him!!  So I think he got all his sad and angry emotions out then so he could be a happy boy on his special day.  Really I think it was a tender mercy from above to keep mama sane!  I bore my testimony about this after his blessing, but on Saturday when I was so frustrated and felt like I was failing as a mother, unable to make my baby happy no matter what I tried, and therefor making me feel like a failure of a wife as I tended to Anders all day while Jared worked his tail off around the house and outside, I was given a little hope.  After one of many failed attempts to get Anders to nap, I went down to the piano and decided to try picking away at a hymn thinking maybe music and sound would make Anderson happy.  I opened up the hymn book to "I Need Thee Every Hour".  I was already feeling emotional and frustrated, but opening up to this hymn was a little testimony to me that I'm not in this on my own.  I've thought many times about how the Lord can trust us with his children and what a big responsibility it is for me to raise my baby boy and provide him with a good, healthy life (physical, spiritual, etc.)  Well in this time of frustration and the feelings of failure, this gave me hope and reminded me that I'm not alone.  That I always have our Savior to turn to.  This may not have made Anders stop crying, and my day was still challenging, but it really lightened my load and brought things into perspective.  It's amazing how the Lord works and helps us when we need him and when we turn to him.  He doesn't make everything easy or perfect at the drop of a dime, but makes it bearable and lightens our load or gives us hope through struggles.  I'm so grateful for my knowledge of our Savior and for the love I have for him and that he has for me.  And I'm so excited to help my baby boy grow to love our Savior.  I pray that he develops a special relationship with him as he grows older.
After the baby blessing, everyone came over to our house for waffles.  Who can resist my mom's waffles!!  It's always fun bringing my family and Jared's family together.  We had a really good time and had some nice weather.

Nana and Grandpa Ray

Anders blessing day

Great Grandpa and Grandma Anderson

Great Grandparents Anderson, Grammy Tammy, and Grandpa Kipp

Grandpa Kipp and Grammy Tammy

Napping after his big, special day

Who our little man is named after, Great Grandpa Anderson and Grandpa Ray

Today I took Anderson in to the pediatrician for his 2 month check up and vaccinations.  Anders is still a little squirt.  He weighed 9 lbs. 5 oz. which is 1 percentile, he's 21.1 in. long which isn't even on the charts, so 0 percentile, and his head circumference is 38.1 cm. which is 16th percentile.  The pediatrician isn't concerned because despite being low, he's following the growth curve perfectly.  So we have a little, but a healthy boy.  He was given 3 vaccines in his legs while we were there.  He screamed when he was given them, but once I picked him up he nuggled on in and was totally calm.  He's been sleeping for about 3 hours now since.  We'll see how he is when he wakes up!

Anderson is a total mama's boy.  Sometimes it's fun, but sometimes it's a pain.  Sometimes daddy or others can calm him when crying, but if he's legit upset, no one can help him but mom.  It's sweet for now I suppose, but I'll be happy when he's more comfortable with other people too.  Come June 27th when I go back to work, he's going to have to get used to it!  I'll be working every Monday and Tuesday, and every other Saturday and Sunday.  Jared will be with him the weekends and work from home on Tuesdays, and on Mondays I have various family and friends to watch him each once a month.  I'm hoping it goes smoothly!  I'm already getting worried about my 4 shifts in a row every other week and if I'm going to miss him too much!  I'll just have to make sure I'm getting lots of pictures sent to me throughout the day!  I never thought I'd be this way, but I'm already getting sad thinking about spending 12+ hours away from him.  But it will be good.  I'm missing work, my friends there, adult interaction, using my brain, and helping sick and injured people and their loved ones.  I really am so lucky to have a job I'm so passionate about!  That will make it a little easier to leave my baby.

Here are some pics from our past two months together.

Anderson's 1 month birthday

Out on a hike for Jerry's birthday

Anders with his cousin Reese, they're 5 weeks apart

Smiling after a diaper change- 7 weeks old

Matching his mama, unintentional- 7.5 weeks old

Matching family- 7.5 weeks old

I love a happy baby! 7.5 weeks old

Mornings are his favorite time, and we love matching- 8 weeks old

Cheesing at his daddy- 9 weeks old

Growing so fast, but still so little- 9 weeks old

Anderson Ray Rohatinsky

April 6, 2016 my life changed.
The day started off with my weekly appointment with my OB.  Jared and I went to our 9:30 appointment, driving in separate cars so we could both head in to work afterward.  My appointment this week was with Dr. Dabling, who I had just recently met in the ICU, but hadn't seen her yet as my doctor.  She seemed super nice in the ICU both to me as a nurse and to the patient that we were caring for.  So she comes in to see me and I had big plans to have her strip my membranes in hopes things would start moving quicker to get my little boy out!  She does the usual fetal heart tones, cervix check (which I was dilated to a 2 and 75% effaced), and she measured my fundus.  Everything looked fine and dandy, except the fundus measurement.  There was no growth over the prior couple of weeks.  She was concerned that my amniotic fluid levels may be low, so we did an ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech measured the fluid levels at about 10, which is the low end of normal or acceptable, but baby was only measuring in the 15th percentile.  We then went back in with Dr. Dabling who called over to the neonatologist.  Dr. Dabling was concerned cause both numbers were pretty borderline but neither of them alone were means for induction.  The neonatologist didn't seem overly concerned, but Dr. Dabling kept saying she just didn't feel right about it.  She ended up scheduling us for a nonstress test over at the hospital to get a better look and idea of what was going on with our little guy.  Luckily we had about an hour and a half to go home, eat some lunch, and pack a hospital bag (cause I kept putting it off).  She told us there was a good chance I'd be getting my wish of having our baby that day, but if it wasn't that day, she was going to set me up for induction at 39 weeks, which was three days later.  So Jerry and I wound up at Utah Valley Hospital for our 1:30 appointment.  The nonstress test showed the amniotic fluid levels at 6, which they want the level to be 8 or higher.  So, when that was all finished, they sent us upstairs to labor and deliver to start the process of bringing our little guy into the world!

We did all the admit stuff and got settled in our room, which had a stellar view of Timp, and the pitocin was finally started at about 4:15 pm.  I knew I wanted to get an epidural, cause why not take advantage of modern medicine, but it was a matter of when.  I ended up deciding I'm paying for it whether I get it now or in a few hours, so may as well get it now!  And boy am I glad I did it when I did cause the anesthesiologist (Dr. Martin, who knows my dad well) was about to head in for a c-section that would have tied him up for a while, and they came in to break my water while he was gone.  They broke my water around 6:30.  I started off with the usual heart tone and contraction monitors they put around the belly.  It wasn't too long before they had to switch out the external monitor for an internal monitor so we could better see the strength of contractions and the affect of the contractions on baby's heart rate.  There should be acceleration of the heart rate with contractions, but our little guy was having decelerations with every contraction.  I had to stay propped up to my left side cause the decelerations were not as extreme to the left as they were when I was turned to the right.  Dr. Bennett was the OB on-call that night.  She and our nurses were so on top of everything!  They were in our room frequently telling us everything that was going on and what they could or may need to do about it.  Dr. Bennett told us early on that there was a strong chance that we may be welcoming our baby via c-section because of the decelerations, but we'd give him a good chance.  So over the 5 hours, the nurses were adjusting rates and turning on and off the pitocin according to my contractions and the heart rate.  With time, our little guy's heart rate started regularly dropping down to the 60's with the contractions and Dr. Bennett came and had a good talk with us about a c-section.  She spent a lot of time with us addressing our concerns.  She explained that because this c-section would be occurring due to complications with the baby, and not complications with me and my abilities to get baby out, our chance of c-section on the next child is barely higher than any other person.  She also went over statistics of likelihood of complications with each additional c-section if that were for some reason the case with future children.  She was very comforting to us.  Even though things clearly weren't going as hoped, I felt calm the whole time cause Dr. Bennet, Dr. Martin, and my nurse Melodie were so attentive and informative.  Eventually, our little guy's heart rate dropped down in to the 40's, even with the pitocin off.  At that point Dr. Bennett came right in and said we didn't have much of an option anymore, a heart rate of 40 was unacceptable.  So within minutes I was back in the surgical suite getting prepped for surgery.  Dr. Bennett with the assistance of Dr. Ludlow were doing their thing to get me prepped and Dr. Martin was up at the head of the bed with Jared and I doing an amazing job keeping me comfortable but still awake so I could experience everything.  He was so good about explaining everything that was going on to Jared and I.  I couldn't see anything, but they had a clear sterile drape so Jared could watch everything going on while I listened in to Jared, Dr. Martin, and Dr. Bennett telling me everything.  At 10:21 pm our little boy was born.  Everything had gone perfectly with the c-section.  Jared was able to hold our little boy right away and show him to me.  I of course was not able to hold him yet, but it was so special to see my amazing husband holding this sweet little angel we'd been waiting to meet for 9 months.  Soon after that, Jared went with the nurse to get our baby all taken care of and they upped my medication and finished the surgery.  I was still somewhat awake, but don't remember much until we got back to the L&D suite.  Once the anesthesia wore off enough I was able to hold my sweet baby boy again.  Our little Anderson Ray made it to us safe and sound.  He tried to give us a few scares in the process, but thanks to an amazing medical team, he made it to us perfectly healthy, just little.

I have to say, I was shocked to see how light skinned and light haired little Anders was!  I thought for sure I'd be having a little boy with dark hair!  Jared is still questioning if he needs to be demanding a paternity test. ;)

After a little while, we transferred down to Mother/Baby.  We didn't get down there till about midnight, and with all the excitement and everything going on, didn't go to sleep till about 3:30.  We just couldn't stop snuggling our little angel and had to get started on the feeding!  We spent three days in the hospital since I was a c-section.  It was a good experience there, but boy was I ready to go home come Saturday evening!  I was real tired of sitting in that hospital bed!

Bringing Anders home was exciting and crazy.  It was truly the beginning of a totally new life for Jared and I!  But boy, has it been amazing!  Our dog Louie has loved Anders and is super protective of him!  Anytime I'm nursing Anders, or he's laying on my lap, Louie comes over and pushes the blankets to cover Anders up.  Or he'll sit on the back of the couch above me and watch over Anders.  It really is sweet to see!  It also amazes me how I can sit and stare at Anders all day long and never get bored!  It's so amazing how this tiny little human can bring us so much joy!  And so amazing how in an instant you fall so deeply in love and nothing else matters!  My prior post talks about all the fear and worry I had about becoming a mother and in an instant, those feelings were washed away with sheer joy.  It's been so fun having Anders in our life these past eight days and to transition into motherhood.  Everything changes so much and despite having no idea what you're doing, everything comes so naturally because of the love you feel.  I am so in love with my little Anderson Ray!

Pregnancy...Real Life

So I picked my blog name for a reason, Rohos Real Life.  The world of social media portrays such skewed ideas of the lives people live.  So many get envious of other's lives and compare their own to the pictures they see on social media, but they don't remember that people are only posting the good.  I certainly want to focus on the highlights, the good things that happen in my life cause it's important to stay positive, but I think it's also very important to talk about the trials and to realize that everyone faces hardships, whether they post about them or not.  So my goal with my blog is to be very real.  I hope to create a real life memory for me and my family while staying positive through it all.  Luckily, I think I'm generally a positive person and would rather focus on the good things in my life because it simply makes me happier.  This post may be one of the most 'real' posts I ever have because it has been one of the most real challenges/decisions/blessings I've had to do and make and change.

So as most know, I come from a family of 12 children.  There are six boys and six girls, perfect, right?!  I'm the third child, the oldest girl.  I have always LOVED coming from such a big family and being born with so many instant friends.  There really is nothing I would rather do than spend time with my family.  I have so much love and respect for each and everyone of my family members.  I look up to my parents SO much!  How does a woman bear 12 children, each of them single births.  Tammy was pregnant for 9 years of her life!!!!!  How does a father ALWAYS put his family first?  I honestly don't remember a time in my life that my dad missed a sporting event, a church program, or any kind of special school program because of work.  He is fortunate that he is his own boss which makes this much more doable than it is for some, but he still always made it a priority!  His office hours have always been 9 am till the first soccer game of the day.  I never heard either of my parents complain about their lives of carpools or homework, they were never too tired for us.  They both woke up every morning to get us kids off to school and probably 4 of 5 school mornings in a week my mom had hot breakfast waiting for us on the table.  I've had people ask me if I feel like I got lost in the mix or was deprived of one on one time with my parents.  The answer is absolutely not!!  I never questioned my parents love for me.  I knew that they would both drop anything to help me in a time of need.  I don't think they could have done a better job parenting me and showing me love being one of twelve versus if I had been an only child.  All in all, I could not have asked for a better family life.  This being said, I get asked all the time if I want to have a big family like my parents did.  My response is always that I loved coming from a big family and if I had the patience and attributes of my mother, I think it would be amazing for my children's sake, but that is just not the case.  I unfortunately am a bit more Type A personality that my mom is.
I have lived in Utah essentially my whole life.  I have loved it here!  There are so many blessings I have received and so many trials that have been lightened by being surrounded by so many Mormons that share the same faith as I do.  There has been one challenge for me with being surrounded by the Mormon culture though.  And that is the focus the Mormon church has on the role of motherhood.  I agree with the teachings and strongly believe in the importance, but it scares me.  I love kids, I love my nieces and nephews so much!  Being an aunt has been so much fun for me!  I have been so scared to start my own family though.  I don't know why.  I have so much exposure to helping with raising kids within my own family.  But the thought of it truly being my responsibility and not just helping out my mom or another mother terrifies me.  I have always wanted a family, I don't want to grow old and never have children around, but I haven't really felt anxious for it to happen or that 'baby hungry' feeling that so many people talk about.  It's always been a future thought for me, not something I want now.
So Jerry and I had made an agreement that we were going to have at least a year together before we stopped birth control and we were going to go on a fun trip together.  So we went on our trip to India and I thought for sure he was going to be set on going off birth control right away.  Much to my surprise when we talked about it the beginning of 2015 his response was that he was just so happy with how our life was and the time we were getting to spend together and wanted to wait just a little longer.  I did not expect that, but was thrilled because of my fears.  But then come early summer, we went to the temple and we both felt like it was time.  I remember sitting there just crying cause I knew it was what I needed to do, but I was not excited about it.  And I felt guilty and still do feel guilty that I feel so resistant to such a big blessing.  But, I knew what I felt and had to obey.  Plus I'm not getting any younger!  And what if we had struggles getting pregnant, you just never know!  Fortunately for us, getting pregnant happened pretty quick. (I mean Fertile Myrtle Tammy is my mother!)  Jared was and continues to be so patient with me throughout deciding to start our family and my moments of anxiety during pregnancy.  When we decided to start our family I told him we just need to not talk about it.  When I got pregnant, it took a while before I was okay with him talking about how he was going to be a dad and I was going to be a mom.  I just needed to not think about it or it would freak me out. I was so conflicted inside because I knew how special this was, I knew how excited Jared was that we were expecting, but it took me a few months to really get excited.
It was around the time that we announced that we were expecting that it started settling with me.  It became more real life now that people knew and I kind of had to be excited.  I think having so many people around me that were so excited helped me to change my attitude, but there was still that underlying fear.  I've tried to explain to Jared what I'm so scared about.  I think it's just a big combination of lots of things.  Change in general, I'm really nervous about being in charge of child in this world how it is today- it's a scary world and kids are learning and exposed to bad things younger and younger, I'm worried about postpartum depression, am I going to be a fun, energetic mom, will Jared and I still get alone time to strengthen our own relationship and keep that strong, I love my sleep and that's certainly going to be affected.  Really it's a combination of so many things, both personal/selfish, and concerns for my children and my abilities to give them the best life possible.  But all you can do is your best, so that's what I'll do!
I'm not a super emotional person, I really don't cry that often.  But the vast majority of the tears I've shed during our marriage have been related to becoming a mother.  The other day we were getting new flooring installed in our kitchen and we needed to move the refrigerator.  The space we have for the fridge is really tight and you have to jiggy the fridge in and out in a really odd way.  I have done this a couple times while we've lived here and I've always just done it by myself, no problem.  Well as Jared and I were moving it for the flooring, I felt like I was of no help.  My ab muscles kept cramping up in a weird way and I'd have to stop.  I think it was mostly that I had just got home from work and worked a lot of hours the prior days, but this really upset me that I was unable to do what I normally do easily.  I don't think Jared even saw me cause he was doing all sorts of stuff getting the floors ready for installation and I was hiding it, but I just started sobbing.  I knew I was being ridiculous, but I was so upset that I was so incapable with my abs because of the pregnancy.  It really is amazing how much you learn a muscle group does when they're out of commission or weakened.   There are so many times that I have to do things differently because the way pregnancy affects the abs.
There was another time Jared and I were watching some of our nieces and nephews.  It really was a fun night and I enjoyed being with them, but when we came home I was laying in bed thinking about how that was going to become my everyday routine soon, and it again freaked me out.  I just laid in bed and cried.  My life is going to change so much.  And really, it's a selfish thing.  I'm worried about myself and my sleep and my time.  I really believe that when our little boy comes, my feelings are going to change and it's all going to work out just fine, but in the meantime, it has me pretty anxious.  I really do believe that as I get my children, one at a time, my heart and my love will grow more and more and I'll look back and wonder what in the world I was so nervous about.  At least that's what I'm banking on!  I'm just so grateful to have a strong man by my side that I know will be an amazing father and will continue to be a strong husband for me to fall back on.  He really is so patient with me!
I also have always loved my job and the work I do.  I get a lot of satisfaction in going to work and saving lives!  So many women, including all the women on both sides of my family, want nothing but to be stay at home moms, which is great, but that is not what I want!  I definitely want to be a mom that is always there for my children cause I know what a blessing that was for me growing up, but I need adult interaction!  I want to continue to have the fulfillment I get from working as a nurse.  I went to school for a reason, not just to have a degree to tuck in my pocket.  Fortunately being a nurse, full-time is only 3 days a week and part time is 2, so I feel like I can still be a good mother and be very involved without completely quitting my job and my passion.  Sometimes I worry that others may think it's wrong of me to keep working if I don't financially have to, but I have to remind myself that it's my life.  Jared and I get to decide together what is best for us and our family and other's thoughts and opinions don't matter.  Jared knows how important my job is to me and he is fully supportive of me continuing to work.  I don't think he has an opinion about me working full-time vs. part-time, but he actually wants me to continue working, probably because he knows I'd go crazy staying home all day every day.  He knows what I do, the passion I have, and is proud of the hard work I put in to it.  So the plan for baby number one is full-time work.  Luckily Jared can work from home one day a week, so it's just one day a week I'm working out a sitter.  Then when we have multiple kids I'll cut back my hours.  The nice thing is I can always change my mind!
As I write this, I'm 36 weeks pregnant.  Baby boy is coming soon, like it or not!  But I really have come a long way.  It has been amazing to experience the bonding that occurs carrying this boy with me constantly.  I'm not one of those crazy people that enjoys being pregnant.  So many women love the feeling of having the baby move around.  I'm perfectly fine with the little guy holding still!  I do have fun pushing his leg back in as he kicks into my side or pushing him back down out of my ribs.  I figure he has to learn sometime who is in charge, why not now!  Right?  But I've been lucky and have had a decent pregnancy.  I haven't gained a ton of weight.  I haven't had any morning sickness.  I've been able to keep working like normal.  I really have been blessed.

A simple selfie at my one month left mark! (Dirty mirrors and all!)

So as I stand now, being full-term, I still am nervous, I still have nights where I stay awake feeling anxious about the changes ahead, but overall I'm so excited to meet this little guy!  Is he going to look like his momma or his pops?  Is he going to come on time or will I be getting induced?  Part of me wants him to come early, and part of me will take any last moments I have to spend with just Jared and I.  I'm excited to see how our dog Louie does with him.  I'm pretty sure Louie will be super protective of baby boy and probably share a few too many kisses with him, but that's okay.  I'm curious what delivery and nursing is going to be like.  I am all for getting hit up with an epidural, so I'm not too worried about the delivery, but maybe I'm being a bit oblivious.  We'll see!  So mostly, I'm excited, but I still am nervous.  Hopefully all those worried feelings will subside the second they lay little boy on me.

So there you have it.  ROHOS REAL LIFE.